If We're Breathing the Same Air

Last week I accidently bought vanilla yogurt instead of plain. 

And about a month before that I went to a concert and sat three seats away from the artist I had come there to see. 

These two things are related. I promise. Let me give you some context.

In mid-May I hopped in my car and made the always surprisingly quick (at least in feeling) and, this time, stunningly beautiful drive to Charleston. About two months before that Medium Build posted about playing on The Mountain Stage, a show that features four/five artists and is recorded by WV Public Broadcasting. Charleston is not so far away, I thought.  The Arcadian Wild is playing and I've listened to them for over 10 years*? Medium Build is headlining- when else will I get a chance to see him perform? And it's $25!

On the recommendation of an usher I chose to sit in the balcony and grabbed a seat a little off center in the front row. Right before the show started two guys walked in from the right side of the balcony, and did I think one of them looked like Medium Build? I did, actually. But sometimes people like the music of a person they kind of look like, and also he was wearing a baseball cap, had his hood up, and looked away when I glanced over. Did I see his face? Not very well no. Most importantly, he seemed kind of tall. Surely someone who had chosen the name Medium Build could not actually be kind of tall, to me, a person who is both socially and actually of a very average and normal height. 

This person, who is surely not Medium Build, and his friend sat one row up and three seats to the right of me. I know this because, upon sitting down, they immediately put their feet up on the seats in front of them. His shoes were bulky and mint green. More on this later.  

Anyway, the show was great! The energy of live music is infectious and hard to imitate. Repeatedly, I was sad this was not a venue with space to dance. Continuously, I was captivated by the presence of everyone on stage. There was something a bit humble in each of the performances; everyone who got behind a mic expressed an appreciation, a memory, a connection to West Virginia or the Mountain Stage. There was a lot of downtime between each band and even each song, giving space for conversation. Them Couley Boys had a false start on one of their songs, at which point the lead singer apologized and said they usually don't play without beers in their hands. Susan Werner's guitar wasn't working with the amp they had, but she's a true professional (this was her 11th time playing the Mountain Stage) so she took this as an opportunity to go to the edge of the stage and talk to the audience about ramps**. When they did get the sound working with her guitar, she played a really beautiful set. And as soon as her last song ended, before applause even started, the guy who probably wasn't Medium Build and his friend stood up and exited the balcony. 

When he got on stage he was wearing mint green shoes***. Two songs later he mentioned he had been watching everyone else play from up in the balcony, that he loved Susan Werner's song about cornbread (me too!!), and grew up listening to public radio. 

So now, of course, I must wonder, did he notice me dancing in my seat for every one of The Arcadian Wild's songs? Did he hear me murmur "fuck yeah" when one member of Them Couley Boys just started shredding on the electric mandolin? Did he see me get teary-eyed when Susan Werner was playing "For the Love of Men"?

Probably he didn't notice me at all, but I'll never really know. What I do know is that he understands the thrill of being close to a stranger you admire; he wrote a whole song about it.

So how does this relate to yogurt? Oh you forgot about the yogurt? That's fine I'm going to tell you anyway. 

Upon seeing the little vanilla bean and flower on the yogurt container, all I could think about was my parents. Little kid Catherine would have been IRATE over this mistake. How could you buy the wrong yogurt? Why didn't you just READ the label? But the thing is that 30-year-old Catherine DID read the label! 30-year-old Catherine read many labels and many ingredients during the 9:30 pm trip to the grocery store. Yogurt was the last thing on the list, and there is only one brand of plain, non-greek yogurt you can buy at Kroger. I read the brand on the container; why would I have to read anything further than that? 

I would, as of late, categorize myself as busy. But 90% of my busyness is optional. I'm busy because I (mostly) delight in doing things, and not because of any meaningful responsibilities. And definitely not because I am responsible for two small children. 

What I'm trying to say is I felt a lot of empathy for my parents in that moment. I spent 30 seconds in front of the fridge sending some love and grace to all three of us in the past. It was unfair of me to be so harsh about such simple mistakes as a kid, and also, I know that harshness cropped up because sometimes my parents were harsh about my simple mistakes. I wish I could swim upstream through time to the past. While 8-year-old Catherine is crossing her arms and storming off to her room over being given the wrong yogurt, the spirit of 30-year-old Catherine is standing in the kitchen, cringing and going, "It's actually totally okay. Grabbing the wrong yogurt is a totally understandable mistake to make". Across time, my parents are I are sharing an experience. 

Going to a concert, and also, in a much smaller way, buying yogurt, is about connection. I leave a show and feel a little closer to my fellow humans, a little more empathetic towards people around me. But when I've felt this way, I have never included the person I'd come to see. And while yes, performing is pretty different from watching someone perform, we're still, in that moment, sharing something. We are all going through the experience of living. The mistakes and the merriment.

~~~

Some other things that may be of interested to you, my beloved blog readers. 

1) Medium Build recently launched a missed connections page on his website. 

2) If you have a very pressurized beer can (perhaps one that has spent the day in a hot car) don't open it! Wait for it to cool off first.

3) I'm reading How to Do Nothing! I could take a whole class on this book I think!! To say I am enjoying it does not convey the feeling!!! I am capable of change and so is the world but to get there takes small steady progress and AHHHHHHH!!!!!

4) I thought this video about disengaging from algorithms was interesting. Step 7 is charming. 

 

*and who were also my most listened to artist in 2021 according to spotify.

**she likes them. She thinks West Virginia should make a bigger deal out of them. 

***and before he started playing he took them off and neatly set them behind where he was standing.